Let my epitaph be, “Here lies Joseph, who failed in everything he undertook.”

I am about to take my last voyage, a great leap in the dark.

I do not amuse myself by thinking of dead people.

It is noble to die before doing anything that deserves death.

I’m doomed to die, right? Why should I care if I go to Hades either with gout in my leg or a runner’s grace? Plenty of people will carry me there.

It is not my design to drink or sleep; my design is to make what haste I can to be gone.

If a man will observe as he walks the streets, I believe he will find the merriest countenances in mourning coaches.

Nobody, sir, dies willingly.

Death renders all equal.

Life is a farce, and should not end with a mourning scene.

The only evidence, so far as I know, about another life is, first, that we have no evidence; and, secondly, that we are rather sorry that we have not, and wish we had.

Under the wide and starry sky, / Dig the grave and let me lie.

The dead are often just as living to us as the living are, only we cannot get them to believe it. They can come to us, but till we die we cannot go to them. To be dead is to be unable to understand that one is alive.