If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

Of all the creatures that breathe and creep on the surface of the earth, none is more to be pitied than man.

In every man is a wild beast; most of them don’t know how to hold it back, and the majority give it full rein when they are not restrained by terror of law.

I hate the sight of monkeys; they remind me so of poor relations.

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.

There be beasts that, at a year old, observe more, and pursue that which is for their good more prudently, than a child can do at ten.

Imitate the ass in his love to his master.

Men, my dear, are very queer animals—a mixture of horse nervousness, ass stubbornness, and camel malice.

Man, when perfected, is the best of animals, but when separated from law and justice, he is the worst of all. 

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve and from which he cannot escape.

We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words.

There are some who, if a cat accidentally comes into the room, though they neither see it nor are told of it, will presently be in a sweat and ready to die away.