Familiarity breeds contempt—and children.

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended—and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.

To be a successful father… there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.

The family is the test of freedom; because the family is the only thing that the free man makes for himself and by himself.

As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.

Mother died today. Or maybe it was yesterday, I don’t know. 

By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class.

He that raises a large family, does indeed, while he lives to observe them, stand…a broader mark for sorrow; but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too. 

A Jewish man with parents alive is a fifteen-year-old boy, and will remain a fifteen-year-old boy till they die!

Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.

Families, I hate you! Shut-in homes, closed doors, jealous possessions of happiness.