The doctor occupies a seat in the front row of the stalls of the human drama, and is constantly watching and even intervening in the tragedies, comedies, and tragicomedies which form the raw material of the literary art.

Because the newer methods of treatment are good, it does not follow that the old ones were bad: for if our honorable and worshipful ancestors had not recovered from their ailments, you and I would not be here today.

No families take so little medicine as those of doctors, except those of apothecaries.

I am dying with the help of too many physicians.

Doctors don’t know everything really. They understand matter, not spirit. And you and I live in spirit.

When the physician said to him, “You have lived to be an old man,” he said, “That is because I never employed you as my physician.”

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them.

If a patient is poor, he is committed to a public hospital as “psychotic”; if he can afford the luxury of a private sanitarium, he is put there with the diagnosis of “neurasthenia”; if he is wealthy enough to be isolated in his own home under constant watch of nurses and physicians, he is simply an indisposed “eccentric.”

All pain is one malady with many names.

Keep away from physicians. It is all probing and guessing and pretending with them. They leave it to nature to cure in her own time, but they take the credit. As well as very fat fees.

A miracle drug is any drug that will do what the label says it will do.

He is the best physician who is the most ingenious inspirer of hope.

The best physician is he who can distinguish the possible from the impossible.