It is impossible to live pleasurably without living wisely, well, and justly, and impossible to live wisely, well, and justly without living pleasurably.

Abstainer, n. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.

The drunken man is a living corpse.

Sobriety diminishes, discriminates, and says no; drunkenness expands, unites, and says yes.

Life isn’t all beer and skittles, but beer and skittles, or something better of the same sort, must form a good part of every Englishman’s education.

Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need—a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing.

Drinking with women is as unnatural as scolding with ’em.

The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. Probably at the next gas station.

That which the sober man keeps in his breast, the drunken man lets out at the lips. Astute people, when they want to ascertain a man’s true character, make him drunk.

Modern life is often a mechanical oppression, and liquor is the only mechanical relief.

An old man is twice a child, and so is a drunken man.

Sex and drugs and rock and roll.