There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian.

Whoever gulps down wine as a horse gulps down water is called a Scythian.

Thanks be to God: since my leaving drinking of wine, I do find myself much better and do mind my business better, and do spend less money, and less time lost in idle company.

Let your boat of life be light, packed with only what you need—a homely home and simple pleasures, one or two friends worth the name, someone to love and someone to love you, a cat, a dog, and a pipe or two, enough to eat and enough to wear, and a little more than enough to drink; for thirst is a dangerous thing.

Abstainer, n. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

That which the sober man keeps in his breast, the drunken man lets out at the lips. Astute people, when they want to ascertain a man’s true character, make him drunk.

The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon. Probably at the next gas station.

A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated has not the art of getting drunk.

Drinking with women is as unnatural as scolding with ’em.

Moderation in all things.

Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.

As he brews, so shall he drink.