Lapham’s Quarterly

Be a good animal, true to your animal instincts.

Do you not see how God is praised by those in the heavens and those on earth? The very birds praised Him as they wing their way.

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals—except the weasel.

How like to us is that filthy beast the ape.

A good dog, sir, deserves a good bone.

There are some who, if a cat accidentally comes into the room, though they neither see it nor are told of it, will presently be in a sweat and ready to die away.

It is remarkable that only small birds properly sing.

When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.

Man is merely a more perfect animal than the rest. He reasons better.

Go to the ant, you lazybones; consider its ways, and be wise.

In every man is a wild beast; most of them don’t know how to hold it back, and the majority give it full rein when they are not restrained by terror of law.

Man, when perfected, is the best of animals, but when separated from law and justice, he is the worst of all. 

Of all the creatures that breathe and creep on the surface of the earth, none is more to be pitied than man.

The elephant, although a gross beast, is yet the most decent and most sensible of any other upon earth. Although he never changes his female, and hath so tender a love for her whom he hath chosen, yet he never couples with her but at the end of every three years, and then only for the space of five days.

The righteous know the needs of their animals, but the mercy of the wicked is cruel.

Life is no way to treat an animal.

An ape will be an ape, though clad in purple.

Animals are such agreeable friends—they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.

Keep running after a dog, and he will never bite you.

Man and animals are really the conduit of food, the sepulcher of animals, and resting place of the dead, one causing the death of the other, making themselves the covering for the corruption of other dead bodies.

The fox knows lots of tricks, the hedgehog only one—but it’s a winner.

One of the animals which a generous and sociable man would soonest become is a dog. A dog can have a friend; he has affections and character; he can enjoy equally the field and the fireside; he dreams, he caresses, he propitiates; he offends and is pardoned; he stands by you in adversity; he is a good fellow.

Animals are good to think with.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.

Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.

Alas! We are ridiculous animals.

Who hears the fishes when they cry?

Man is a noble animal, splendid in ashes and pompous in the grave.

A dog starved at his master’s gate / Predicts the ruin of the state.

A bull contents himself with one meadow, and one forest is enough for a thousand elephants; but the little body of a man devours more than all other living creatures.

Animals are in possession of themselves; their soul is in possession of their body. But they have no right to their life, because they do not will it. 

We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words.

Cows are among the gentlest of breathing creatures; none show more passionate tenderness to their young when deprived of them—and, in short, I am not ashamed to profess a deep love for these quiet creatures.

Animals, in their generation, are wiser than the sons of men, but their wisdom is confined to a few particulars, and lies in a very narrow compass.

Happiness is a warm puppy.

Man is no man, but a wolf, to a stranger.

I hate the sight of monkeys; they remind me so of poor relations.

Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve and from which he cannot escape.

Men, my dear, are very queer animals—a mixture of horse nervousness, ass stubbornness, and camel malice.

Imitate the ass in his love to his master.

Every ass thinks himself worthy to stand with the king’s horses.

There be beasts that, at a year old, observe more, and pursue that which is for their good more prudently, than a child can do at ten.

I do not mean to call an elephant a vulgar animal, but if you think about him carefully, you will find that his nonvulgarity consists in such gentleness as is possible to elephantine nature—not in his insensitive hide, nor in his clumsy foot, but in the way he will lift his foot if a child lies in his way; and in his sensitive trunk, and still more sensitive mind, and capability of pique on points of honor.

Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.

Every creature in the world is like a book and a picture, to us, and a mirror.

Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps, for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be.

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Man is a troublesome animal and therefore is not very manageable.

Who sleepeth with dogs shall rise with fleas.

What delight can there be, and not rather displeasure, in hearing the barking and howling of dogs? Or what greater pleasure is there to be felt when a dog followeth a hare than when a dog followeth a dog?